You know what I was doing today? Do you have any idea? Of course you don’t — and why would you? You have your own life to take care of so obviously you wouldn’t have time for mine, would you? Now let’s not mope about that any more. Today I took a handbill into the bathroom and put it on the water. I poured water on it with my cupped hand till it sank and then when it was wet and soggy I tore it to tiny little pieces and all these pieces started floating about in the water and looked so pretty. Then I got the had-shower into the water and although I couldn’t see the water coming out of it, I could see the bits of paper rushing away from the shower’s mouth and creating a little cyclone inside the water. Then I put my hand in the water and churned it round and round till I created a little whirlpool of sorts. When the swirling water finally came to rest, all the bits of paper had gathered into a neat mound in the centre, and I stared at it for some time. Then I put my hand in the water again and swayed it around till the pieces of paper were all over the water again. Then I did something else. I bathed in that water, and when I was done, there were bits of paper all over me. In my hair, too. It was funny. So I bathed in clean water again and I washed all the pieces of paper on the floor down the hole with the shower so no one would know.
If you want to know why I did all this, well, my results were out today, and I’m a bit disappointed.