I’ll be so far away

All this won’t matter

Won’t matter to me

Stretched so wide around me

That glittering sea of light

You see every night

Across the sky

I’ll be that high


I’ll raise my hand

Stir the starry band

And walk down that Milky Way



And I’ll be

So far away I won’t be

Able to see

My life from up there

And I won’t care


This huge world is so huge, I know

It’s beautiful but I have to go

‘Coz there was never enough space

In this beautiful place

To hold someone who’d fill me with love

To hold someone I could take with me


So I’m leaving for this trip

On my lonely ship

For the glittering sea

Just the stars and me

So much life, so much time

So many moments will be mine

To talk away

To waste away

To live away




These are the lyrics from Yesterday by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.


Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, I believe in yesterday


Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be

There’s a shadow hanging over me.

Oh, I yesterday came suddenly


Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say

I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday


Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday


Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say

I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday


Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play

Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday



Can you guess?


End of Me

Can you hear me, hello? Is anyone out there? Please, be there, somebody. Anybody. I don’t want to see emptiness again. Please, answer me. Where is light? Please, I’m lost. Am I? Forever? Since forever? Lost forever… Please, answer me, won’t you? I know you are there…

Why can’t I be believed? Why can’t I be trusted? Why will I be tagged, labelled and thrown in the warehouse with all the others whose commitment lasts till the next day? Why can’t you believe me? I’m not like that. Hello? Is this the end of everything? Then put me to sleep, will you? Dissolve me in oblivion? I cannot carry my weight any more; I’m too much for myself. I can no longer myself believe in me. Please don’t go; listen to me. Don’t leave me here, alone in the dark, please. I’ve been alone all my life, lost and alone. Please, look, here’s my hand. Grab it, please. Please. I know you are out there. I haven’t done anything wrong, please. Take my hand and put me to sleep. End me, please. I don’t even want to merge with Him. I hate Him. Just end me, can’t you? Are you Him? Please, if you are, you are so powerful — end me, please. I cannot believe myself any more.

Hello? Are you there?



Okay, life’s not easy.

You’re probably hearing that for the thousandth time (I’ve said it before, too), but every time life’s not easy, it manages it in a new way. Life’s not easy on your second birthday ‘coz you keep leaking things in your diaper and your mamma forgets to change it. Life’s not easy on your tenth birthday ‘coz you just broke your Beyblade. Life’s not easy on your seventeenth birthday ‘coz you can’t figure out why on Earth she/he has to treat you like this. Life’s never easy ‘coz whoever you are, there is a list of things you don’t want happening in your life, and they will happen, to test you or to show you the world hates you or by a function of probability.

I don’t mean to be pessimistic today, because that makes life harder. I just want to tell you, whoever you are, wherever you are reading this blog from, whether you know me or not, I just want to tell you, that yeah, I know life’s not easy. And if you aren’t a very rare type of person, there are probably about half a dozen things right now that make your life hard. Will you do one thing? Just list six things in your life that make you sad, or worried, or negative in any sort of way. Don’t neglect small problems like I don’t like the colour of my room or I could never finish writing that story. I am sure you can come up with about six problems. If there are more, that’s even better.

Now look at the time, and remember the date. Almost all of the problems that you thought of now won’t be here after four months. If you sat down to list your problems four months from now, there’s a good chance you’ll be listing new ones in place of many of the current ones. What does that show?

1         That problems either get solved, or lose importance, or relevance, or just get shifted back and fade away with time. It will happen with your current problems too. No matter how imposing they look, most of them won’t be here after four months, because of one reason or the other.

2         If about four new problems (big and small) are created every four months, imagine the total number of problems you have faced in your life till this moment.

Now imagine what your life would have been if none of those problems had been there. Take your time. I know it’s boring but try to imagine this scenario.

Now tell me, would you want a life like that, without problems? Will you even be alive in that life? You’ll just float passively in a perennial cloud of contentment and happiness till you get tired of it and die. Tell me, wasn’t there a single problem in your life that helped you realize something, that helped you trust some part of yourself, that helped you change and improve, that shaped your ideals, that brought you closer to someone?

Life isn’t easy, I know, but it’s not easy for a reason. If it were easy, we would barely be living.

For the ones reading this blog who are going through some pressing problem in the present, let me tell you, I am currently going through some really pressing ones indeed. I don’t know what will happen; whether it will be solved or not, but I’m just hoping it will and I know you’re hoping yours will be solved too. If we hope together, I think something somewhere will change to make life just a bit easier, don’t you think?

“When you want something with all your heart, the entire universe conspires to make it possible.” — Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. [not exact words.]


Two of Us #5

1Life Hey.

Neo Hiya.

1Life I need a talk.

Neo Sure. Go ahead. Hey man, you look worried.

1Life (nods.)

Neo Is this really serious?

1Life Yeah.

Neo How?

1Life Very.

Neo Her?

1Life No.

Neo Then?

1Life The Chamber.

Neo Oh no. It’s back?

1Life Yeah. Oh no, there it is again. Oh shit, I hate this.

Neo L, calm down. It’s okay. Nothing’s wrong. You’ve fought it before and this is no different.

1Life I’m a little scared.

Neo Of?

1Life Losing.

Neo L, I’m right here. Now tell me, what is it about this time?

1Life Everything.

Neo As in?

1Life Everything. What is everything?

Neo And that of course puts your life in the shadow, and the rest of that, right?

1Life Yeah, especially us. The relationship between us, what is it with respect to everything?

Neo Between you and me?

1Life (laughs.) No no, her and me.

Neo Oh of course, I’m a no one. How could I forget?

1Life N, you’re not a no one. You’re just —

Neo Just?

1Life You’re just me.

Neo Nothing can be simpler. Great, L, let’s have this over with now, it’s getting under my skin. Sometimes I can’t imagine how you can let this go on for such a long time. It’s plain stupid. You have no idea how stupid you look. How so dreadfully stupid. Look around you, at your friends. Look at Subharup, Arko. They are in the same position of the universe that you are in. You. Are. No. Different. You got that? If they can be happy, you can be super-happy. You haven’t the job of figuring the universe out. Tell me now, tell me what you get. Tell me what it has given you.

1Life Er… I am smarter in front of people, more open, with girls, you know, and all. And my ideals have changed.

Neo Okay. Now tell me all that you’ve lost.

1Life Oh, N. They’re… they’re too much. Happiness, and… and… a bit of myself.

Neo Now let me tell you something, L. If you want, you can have only the gains and forget the losses. There are no losses, L. It’s all in your mind. What’s outside your mind is the real thing.

1Life What is outside my mind?

Neo Me.

1Life Oh?

Neo Well, her.

1Life She’s more in it that outside.

Neo You’re not co-operating.

1Life Tell me, N, will I live?

Neo Yes. We both will.

1Life Will I live to make a mark?

Neo What matters is whether you live peacefully. Nothing else.

1Life What if making a mark gives me peace?

Neo Well, I dunno about that. But if you want, you sure can.

1Life And what if I can’t?

Neo (smiling) L, you’ve got 100843 chances, you’ll get more.

1Life (smiling) That may not be true.

Neo Just think that way, and you’ll lose that panic of making a mark.

1Life Hmm, I’ll try. Sometimes I think she’s not really worried about my mental health.

Neo (shrugs.)

1Life It’s wrong, I’m sure. She’s worried.

Neo (shrugs.)

1Life Go to hell.

Neo You’ll tag along, of course?

1Life Oh, I forgot that bit.

Neo Feeling better?

1Life I guess.

Neo Keep Subharup and Arko in mind. Keep your priorities right. You know what I mean.

1Life Okay. Don’t leave me. Tell Hazel I’m sorry. I never meant to ignore her. Tell her I’m glad she’s there.

Neo Sure. She keeps worrying about you alright.

1Life I know. I’m glad she’s there. Well, I’ll leave you now.

Neo Sure, ok, great. You’re not alone.

1Life I needed that, N. thanks. Bye.

Neo Ta-ta.


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