I dreamt of her.

I keep having dreams of her.

What will never be for real,

keeps haunting me in these dreams.

In the dream, she called me on the phone.

While I was talking, she came up from behind

and held me.

I moved away her arm.

Then it all went away, and I woke up.


These dreams, my dreams

they start to melt

in the daytime sun

and wear away through the busy day.


I wait for another.


परिभ्रमसि किं व्यर्थं क्वचन चित्त विश्राम्यतां

स्वयं भवति यद्यथा तत्तथा नान्यथा।

अतीतमपि न स्मरन्नपि च भाव्यसङ्कल्पय-

न्नतर्कितगमनाननुभवस्व भोगानिह॥

Why do you wander, o mind? Rest. The natural course of things is to happen and this cannot be changed. It is inevitable. Therefore enjoy the pleasures, whose arrival and departure cannot be ascertained, without remembering the past and without expecting the future.


The music was so loud. I had it on earphones, which made it even louder. I wanted it loud, as loud as possible without blowing my brains out, but it was still too loud. But I did not turn it down. It drowned everything else. Just some sounds, and heavy music, and yelling voices. LOUD. It was like magic, how it drowned everything out.

It was too loud. After sometime, I felt nauseated by the loudness. I felt like throwing up. This is how loud it was. It was like a white-hot wave of fury rushing through my head. But I kept on.

Then when I ran out of my stock of loud, yelling music, I turned off the thing, and stayed up the rest of the night.

I can assure you of one thing with absolute authority. Whoever you are, you are not the stupidest person on earth. If you feel, for some reason, that you are, don’t worry, you’re not. I’ve just been in something that has made me hit bottom. You cannot be stupider than that.

This wasn’t the plan, though.

But that’s part of the reason why I am so stupid.