I feel like there are more people on my floor of the house, than I can see.
This evening as I lay on the floor, in the quiet I heard scratching noises.
They were quite close to me. Inside the floor or the walls. Something moving, then stopping, then moving again.
Either there are rodents in this house
or my mind is buckling
to the pressure
at the edges
where it came from.
I find it hard to talk about myself.
Anyway, a sleek black hollow has opened up next to me.
Before it did, I would have found it incredible really,
that such a pure dark void could open up in this space.
But here it is, like one of those unbelievably lightless blacks I saw online
like vanta black vanta black
It is a shiny hollow; I feel curious. It leads somewhere painful, but at least new.
I lean in closer, and then I know
That it will now take over
and suck me in
and I can let go.
When I was a child
I could be in a room filled with loud and joyous people
and if there was one sitting quietly in some hidden corner
not feeling well
I would know all the time their pain in my chest
even though I wanted to forget.
Then as time went by,
my wish was granted
and then I knew
I was all grown up.
I remember when I was
left alone as a child
and I closed my eyes
space would disappear into
and great masked eyes
and I would begin crying
One time, a man came to our house
when something funny was about to happen
and he said he was blind
and we were sad and helped him
and the funny thing did not
happen any more.
And then we saw him walk away from our house
nimbly through the chaotic traffic
and we were very cross.
This evening as I biked
down to the river
and the sky opened above
my heavy heart
I wondered if I once had chosen
to play this cosmic game
and simply forgot.
But yes, I am ready for all of you
and all of this to vanish
in a wisp of smoke
without caring to leave
a shred of explanation.
On the warm sunlit beach
I lay on my back
as faces floated through the sky.
I found on the sand
a little girl’s bracelet
and it made me remember
when everything was easy.