I feel like there are more people on my floor of the house, than I can see.

This evening as I lay on the floor, in the quiet I heard scratching noises.

They were quite close to me. Inside the floor or the walls. Something moving, then stopping, then moving again.

Either there are rodents in this house

or my mind is buckling

to the pressure


at the edges


where it came from.

I find it hard to talk about myself.

Anyway, a sleek black hollow has opened up next to me.

Before it did, I would have found it incredible really,

that such a pure dark void could open up in this space.

But here it is, like one of those unbelievably lightless blacks I saw online

like vanta black vanta black

It is a shiny hollow; I feel curious. It leads somewhere painful, but at least new.

I lean in closer, and then I know

That it will now take over

and suck me in

and I can let go.

When I was a child

I could be in a room filled with loud and joyous people

and if there was one sitting quietly in some hidden corner

not feeling well

I would know all the time their pain in my chest

even though I wanted to forget.

Then as time went by,

my wish was granted

and then I knew

I was all grown up.

I remember when I was

left alone as a child

and I closed my eyes

space would disappear into

expansive void

and great masked eyes

would appear

and I would begin crying

for help

One time, a man came to our house

when something funny was about to happen

and he said he was blind

and we were sad and helped him

and the funny thing did not

happen any more.

And then we saw him walk away from our house

nimbly through the chaotic traffic

and we were very cross.

This evening as I biked

down to the river

and the sky opened above

my heavy heart

I wondered if I once had chosen

to play this cosmic game

over nothing

and simply forgot.

But yes, I am ready for all of you

and all of this to vanish

in a wisp of smoke

without caring to leave

a shred of explanation.

On the warm sunlit beach

I lay on my back

as faces floated through the sky.

I found on the sand

a little girl’s bracelet

and it made me remember

when everything was easy.

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