I Hate Two Things

I think I’ve realized that I hate two things.

The first is applying to places and people for things. One reason is of course rejection. Nobody likes to be rejected. But I have come to dislike the very act of applying. I am tired of it, imagining this group or guy at the other end sitting in a high chair judging me, passing a verdict. It is very strenuous for me, this whole thing. Why must I hunt opportunities that other people dangle? Why can’t I create them for myself?

The second thing is I’m tired of using other people’s stuff. Like my music player, or laptop, or the internet, or facebook. Everything I use on a daily basis has been the result of cumulative inventions by other people. I don’t want to just consume, I want to build. I don’t want to be on this dumb side. I know that very few things are created from scratch to completion by a single person, but I want to do my bit. I know I can contribute, and somehow I was meant to. This lazy consuming of other people’s smart products, that require only a minimum fraction of intelligence to operate as it took to build it, is getting under my skin. I have to get out of this loop. Create something that many people will use lots of times. Of course, every time I take a good photo on my DSLR I am working, I am producing something, I’m giving back some of what it took the human community to build the camera, but it’s a billionth, a miniscule fraction. It’s not good enough. I want to be on the other side, the builder’s side.

If all goes well, by the end of this summer I will have taken some care of both of these.

And oh yeah, I think I’ve fractured my right wrist. I don’t think it’s a good idea that I’ve given it no proper medical attention whatsoever.

6 thoughts on “I Hate Two Things

    1. I hope you got a bit more than that form the post 🙂
      It happened in a football match around half a year back. I did see a doctor immediately afterwards, but he just gave me some painkillers and told me to go home.
      Months afterwards when the pain remained and it would hurt when there was strain at some particular angles, I asked people. One guy who is into some sports and had also fractured his wrist listened to all the symptoms and said that’s what I had too. He said it wasn’t good that it hadn’t been plastered and now it was too late and so on.
      Let’s see.


  1. Ei, summe-e ki korchhish? Why so mysterious?

    I hate applications too, because all it is, is about selling and marketing yourself to a grand judge/jury. It’s often not about depth, but about how shiny you can make your achievements look — so that someone who’s been working on one deep project and putting a lot of thought and work into it but doesn’t have enough publications and whatnots arising out of it will not be judged by the quality of their work, but by their relatively more empty CV. That’s how it works in the US job market, for instance, even for academics.

    Aar tor ei production-er proti shurshuri is one of the things I like best about you. Seriously, chaliye ja boss. 🙂

    PS Ami ei August e abar bari phirchhi, beginning Jan obdhi thakbo. Tor songe dekha hobe ashakori. Will hear in person about your projects then 🙂


  2. Oh, and the thing about the wrist sucks, and not in a good way. Tor drumming-ke affect koreni toh? Arekta daktar dekha.

    PS typo in comment above, pliss to excoos: *summer-e


    1. My wrist is better now. I can play badminton and the drums (and the keyboard now), no problem. Arekbar dakhabo daktar Kolkatae ele. Right now I’m in college for a summer project, will be switching back and forth through summer.
      Summer e ki korchhi thik public e bolte chai na until it comes to fruition. Otherwise it ends up sounding like hollow talk that never worked and it gets me down.
      We’ll surely meet this year 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s