W h i t e
I wish I had no family. I wish the whole world would just disappear at this moment, like swallow itself up or something, and just leave a blank white of nothing, no up, down, no here, there, just a blank uniform white like they sometimes show in movies. And then there will be nothing to think about because there will be nothing and I can just sit around or shout or be naked or whatever but be in peace.
Death is unfair. In a white world like that there will be none of that. There will only be Voluntary Cessation. You decide one day that you don’t wanna be any more and that’s a sort of input into the programming of White and then you just cease living. No pain, and what’s more, you can choose whether to die or not.
There will be no society, no community, no group of humans where you have to stand out and let other people know who you are, that you are likable, that you are lovable. Imagine how simple things would become.
There will be no family.
There will be no self-destruct thoughts like the ones that sometimes are in my head because I hate that. There will be, like, nothing to live for, no change in living, no variety, no expectation or anything, and it will be a vegetable life. It sounds wonderful.
That takes me on to: why live at all? Why not just dump White and say let’s not start this whole business of existence in the first place. God, listen to me, pal, let’s not do it. Tell me, what’s the use? People will die and that’d be shit and people will do bad things like shout at each other or hurt each other and that’s shit too. Why have all that? Let’s not think about it, God. Give yourself a break and just throw this idea out of your head.
But no he wouldn’t listen.
So there you go now. Your mother’s sick, your dad’s always angry, your girlfriend’s acting like a bitch and your friends suddenly stopped being your friends last weekend. Now go on and handle your existence. Don’t blame me; I was always against the whole goddamn thing.
Useful tips I know:
Bend the middle and ring finger of both hands to touch the palm, keeping other fingers straight. Just like Spider-man does when he creates that web thing. Keep them in that position for sometime, like 10-15 minutes. You’ll be feeling better. It’s yoga. Which by the way originated in India.
When in unrest (frightened, desparate, depressed)
Open an unruled white exercise copy to a white page and stare at it. Better, stare at a white tube-light. The eyes may hurt for a second, but the intense pure white (if the tube’s not dirty) will do stuff. White’s got psychological effects. It’s not for nothing that it stands for peace.
The first trick was taught me by my good friend Anindya Bose. The second one I devised myself.