Thoughts Are Wild

Thoughts are wild. They may be yours, but they have minds of their own, and can land you in trouble. You call them your own, but you have little control over them, and all the while there is quite a separate world whirring on inside you; it has its days and nights and memorable events and rainy days of sadness but essentially it is an enormously strong clockwork machinery you can only sometimes feel, but never control.

Thoughts can make you suddenly dreamy, or full of emotions, or happy or whatever without telling you why, and you wonder about it; you wonder if you know all that goes on in there. The truth is that you don’t. You never knew that you loved that girl till she had that accident. You never knew that you would be so nervous giving a speech on a subject you love after crying yourself hoarse about it for uncounted months among friends.

Well, that’s not all thoughts can do. They can do more than that; I assure you. They can sometimes make you wonder who you are (if you are that type of person), they can make you sit up on bed in the middle of the night wondering what it’s all about, and they can sometimes — and this is the worst — they can sometimes convince you that you don’t exist, and you may start crying about it, but that won’t make it stop. And all along they are true. This huge world inside you is so much truer than the world outside, its only problem being that it’s much more uncontrollable than the world you live in. It may sound strange, but there it is. The world inside you is much less in your control than the one outside. The reason being — and this applies to you, whoever, wherever you are (even if you are not human, in which case I must admit I’m happy that my blog reaches so many… er… living things. If you want my blog in non-human languages, please drop in your suggestions. Thank you, quack, woof, cluck, roar, meow, and the rest.) — that the world within is a part of a much deeper, and a much, much, actually a hugely bigger thing. That bigger thing contains all of our little inner worlds, and sometimes exerts control over it without letting you know, and that is why you sometimes get surprised by your own thoughts. The reason is plain now, I hope — they weren’t your thoughts. If you want to know what this bigger thing is, I can only give you a vague idea as of now: it’s like the soul of everything, the soul of creation, existence, God. Your soul is just one manifestation of it. Ask no more. You’ll get the answers some day, but by then you won’t have any use for them, for you will scarcely be you.

God, what did I start out to write? Really sorry. Anyways, since I have come this far, just one more thing: the world inside stretches much, much farther away than the world outside. It’s hard to believe, but that’s one essential quality of all big truths. They are all hard to believe. Just like I once refused to believe that the Maruti van had  actually a name —Omni.

Until later, unless I die tomorrow, which I would hate a lot, seeing that I have a girlfriend here I actually love a lot, and of course, my untamed readers in the wild. Quack mew. That’s thank you for the humans.


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