<against the current>


This here you see, this stuff here, this structure — hey you listening or what? Are you listening to me? What do I look like, a miserable old psychopath shouting his head off for no reason? Shouting his head off here on the pavement with all these people watching, for no reason? What do you take me for, eh? Listen to me now, yeah. Listen. I want you all ears, and don’t look away for a single moment while I make my point, coz I hate that, you know what, I hate that. I’d much rather be home feeding my dog here than standing around shouting on the pavement expecting you to listen. So listen.

This here thing you see, this structure, this network, this, this — this protocol, these codes, this — oh Jesus gimme a word — yeah, — what better word — this matrix — you listening right? Yeah, so we gotta destroy this matrix, you know. That’s my plan, you see. Just, you know, bust it. Stamp on it with your sneakers and it will be gone before you know it. Yeah, listen to me now, coz my here brain’s simply surging with ideas. What you gotta do is this — you just, you know — you listening sure? — yeah, you gotta stop believing in this matrix. You just gotta stop believing it, stop having faith in it any more. You see what I’m trying to say here? You don’t? Rats! I’m talking about the society, you old idiot! This whole structure here, this network, this — this community, this matrix. It’s good I know, or we wouldn’t live, but I bet you don’t know its flip side. I do. Yeah, blimey dude, I do. You wanna know what the flip side is? Well, it’s just that it fills your head with crazy ideas all the time. Crazy ideas like pigs can’t fly. Tell me here, sonny, ever since you learnt to talk, haven’t they ordered you to listen silently? Haven’t they told you over the rim of their spectacles to sit there quiet and pretty while they belch out their stinkin’ old list of protocols and — and rulezz? Rules that never existed except in dirty little chambers inside their minds? They teach you to follow the footsteps of other people, to go sniffing their venerable tail-coats down the stinkin’ alleys that’s been trodden bare by hundreds of thousands of millions of other people before you, and never to look at a different direction, your own direction, and hope to walk that way someday. Why, of course they wouldn’t do it. They want you to grow up just like the umpteen losers grew up before you, esteemed, approved, respected, and bunches of stinkin’ old rule-loving boring vegetables. It’s because they hate dreams, son. They are afraid of possibilities beyond the obvious convention. That’s why they raise you in this disguised slaughter-house called the society and kill your soul slowly, yeah, slowly and silently, so that you don’t suddenly get hurt and realize what’s going on. They have you in anesthesia, dude. You are not even completely awake. You are like a Frankenstein here, brain-washed and mechanical. You go to school and don’t talk to that guy with his guitar and weird jokes and open laughter and girlfriend because your mama and papa said not to, and you don’t wear foreign clothes coz they make you look too good for social approval, and you don’t throw even the shortest glance at porno except the bra ad on TV. You are afraid of a long stare or smile from the opposite sex coz mama and papa said this is not the time and if you let those ideas into your head they’ll turn you out of the house. You come home and study at your table and go to sleep at bedtime. What you don’t know is all the time is bedtime for you, coz you are damn ****ing asleep! And Jesus knows, or whoever God is — I don’t care, honestly — He alone knows when you are gonna wake. So why don’t you just go wagging your tail back home and forget all about this because they don’t want you to know, do they? They don’t want you to dream, freakin’ bastards. They make you believe that you have taken your life for hire. Oh, sorry. Sorry I said your life. It’s hardly your life, eh, innit? You never knew that you own your life, did you? No one told you; of course they didn’t. And telling you now won’t do you any good, will it, coz you’ve already lost it. You’ve already sold your life to the society, to the — the matrix, and you are plain living out someone else’s dreams. You no longer remember what you wanted to do with your life because they have numbed that part of your head long ago. But listen to me now. This here thing you do everyday is none of what your heart tells you to do. Every second of every minute here you’re doing what everyone else tells you to do, what everyone else does. You have borrowed your dream from your parents’, your objective from their orders, and you are just damn living a hired life. They’ve given it to you for hire, dude, the matrix, the society. They want you to keep it safe and not scratch it or dent it or break it or lose it coz they know at the back of their heads that it belongs to them. You’re just the object they have appointed to live out the life. You barely own it. You can’t bounce your life or swing it round or throw it into the air and do whatever you want with it, coz it’s not yours. You can’t pay for it if you break it, can you, and then they’ll look at you with those often-practised cold eyes and throw you out of the society coz you dared believe that you own your life. So why don’t you just go back to the life you’ve been living now and pretend it’s yours and keep fulfilling objective after objective, realizing dream after dream, until one day you just go phut! — silently, without too much noise and without letting too many people know except the ones that own your life — why don’t you just go phut and realize when you are falling asleep for the last time that the objectives you have fulfilled were actually orders, the dreams you have realized were just someone else’s, and the life you have lived was hardly yours.

And why don’t you just rest in peace after that, coz it’s bedtime. It’s been bedtime all along.



3 thoughts on “Upstream

  1. Lucia

    hii!!!! thanks for the help!! I think you\’re a really helpful person! 😛 and i like how you write, I can understand english but not write it very well… ups…. ……………….well, thank you very much!!! if you need something you can ask for it… cause if my space is going to be delete… im thinking about making other one…  its just that is very tired to wait for two months… well… thank u anyway!:D:D
    luv lux


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