There was this girl I came across on Nicksplat.com. Disha Pillai. We got to know each other slowly. I wrote some philosophy to her. What I wrote then, now resides in my blog as The Forgotten Question.
Philosophy is not the subject of this entry. She is. We used to exchange e-mails. Never chatted, never had an audio conversation, never called up. We just exchanged e-mails. Words were all we had to know each other. At times I felt strange about her. No, not love, but just a sort of far-away feeling, you know. That there’s this girl sitting in her own room in some other part of India, a girl I would never meet in this life, never meet in eternity. That’s okay, there are so many people I won’t meet in this life. But that I communicated with her, that I understood her and she understood me, that we both knew the other was alive and breathing, but still we could never meet, left a gaping void somewhere inside me. Like a thread through my window that stretches to a place far away, to a place I don’t know, and I pull it, and I can feel someone pull the other end, and we both know there’s someone out there holding the other end, never to be seen, never to be known beyond that pull of the thread.
Two months ago, we stopped e-mailing. Abruptly. I sent her a few e-mails later. Got no reply. No delivery failure, no crowded inbox. Maybe she just doesn’t check any more. Maybe there was a money problem and they had to sell their computer. Maybe her inbox is now just a desolate old shelter in the middle of nowhere with no one to belong to, no one to send messages, no one to receive them. Maybe they shifted and had to leave things behind. Or maybe… I don’t like to think about it.
She just faded into the dark. Like the momentary gleam of a comet in a star-strewn night sky. So easy, isn’t it, to lose someone? Someone who had no position in my life and yet meant something? Easy, isn’t it?
Oh God, I just hope I open my mailbox one day and freeze with happiness when I see her name out there, on a message, undeniable, unalterable.
1Life.
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Ah, I often have wondering thoughts like this. You think you have some sort of friendship with these people, but really, who are you to them? Who knows? If I die, how would anybody online know? Would anyone care? It would just be a simple, oh, she\’s given up on her blog. Well, it happens. Nobody knows what happens to me unless I tell them. That\’s what I miss most about online \’friendships\’, the ability to share your lives with people, with them being there to share it with you. To be able to just sit and not talk and understand. A look can tell all. But online you just can\’t get that kind of understanding, it\’s not the same…
It is! It is very easy to lose one in the crowd called earth. So many people who meant so much to your life; u spoke about someone whom u havent even met; yet for some there are real people – real relationships, all gone – obliterated, leaving only a fleeting – haunting memory. Which is quite like the wine! When u start making it, they taste awful, but as they ages, u start to enjoy them! Its the memories that we keep!
as horrible as it sounds, i dont like too many people in my life. this blog got me more than i bargained for. i cant seem to get rid of some of them now. some people dont get it. i dont expect them to.u should never feel shit. u just move on. there will be other people. theres one thing i dont like about the internet. suddnely everyone who reads your blog becomes ur friend, a few emails make u \’partners in crime\’ and ignorance gets everyone offended. im done with it. i dont like being stalked.im going to stop now. ive written fr more than i wanted to.:)A.